Not pictures, no pretty things just some thoughts flying around here today. I was browsing through my bloglist today and then I found that Amy at happythings gave me a hell of a compliment.. She decided to make a list of beautiful pictures to illustrate her simple pleasurememe because she thought she wouldn't be able to match my words....
I needed to hear that, I felt quite inadequate in crafting lately as always my ideas far outrun my skill and I didn't do much either in fact I might be just a tad bit depressed lately. Not without reason but still..
I kept feeling I didn't understand people reading this, returning here when there are blogs everywhere htat are so beautiful. On the other hand I recognize the need to identify and there are probably a lot of people out there looking to improve.. So I told my self
What makes this blogging hard for me sometimes is that I miss the single most important tool in my life. My own language. I admire people who can write bilingual posts. I get all confused. I need to think in English to write something worth reading but sometimes its'hard and I'm not sure if I say what I think say and want to say and I 'm afraid of using the wrong words..
I so remember a Latin American a girl I studied creative writing with that had to write about things she disliked. We came with things like cold coffee and waking to early she talked about death disease. Her Dutch was quite good but she couldn't measure the language.. It made her look weird and she wasn't and I sometimes am so afraid to make the same impression.
But now Amy made me feel like maybe I have found my voice in English so I'll continue to chase my crafting dreams and share the stories her..
On other news we went to see the 'consultatiebureau" nurse. This is the practice that does all normal healthchecks on Dutch children until the age of 4. I love our doctor and nurse and we needed to hear them say that we had to let the girl cry to break the pattern of lousy nights. Of course she did tell us so now we have difficult nights and the promise of sleep for the future.
Now I realised this made me uneasy. For the last 4 years I've been woken at night. I still function and did a whole lot of growing and learning. I also started to dream a few little dreams for myself and a lot of them got tagged with the tag. If I sleep again then..
So Now my performing-anxiety gets the better of me.. If I sleep there is no excuse to not catch my dreams and live them.. No excuse other then I couldn't.....
So tell me? How screwed up do you think I am?