zondag, april 30, 2006

Some thoughts on blogging and crafting and life..

Not pictures, no pretty things just some thoughts flying around here today. I was browsing through my bloglist today and then I found that Amy at happythings gave me a hell of a compliment.. She decided to make a list of beautiful pictures to illustrate her simple pleasurememe because she thought she wouldn't be able to match my words....

I needed to hear that, I felt quite inadequate in crafting lately as always my ideas far outrun my skill and I didn't do much either in fact I might be just a tad bit depressed lately. Not without reason but still..

I kept feeling I didn't understand people reading this, returning here when there are blogs everywhere htat are so beautiful. On the other hand I recognize the need to identify and there are probably a lot of people out there looking to improve.. So I told my self

What makes this blogging hard for me sometimes is that I miss the single most important tool in my life. My own language. I admire people who can write bilingual posts. I get all confused. I need to think in English to write something worth reading but sometimes its'hard and I'm not sure if I say what I think say and want to say and I 'm afraid of using the wrong words..

I so remember a Latin American a girl I studied creative writing with that had to write about things she disliked. We came with things like cold coffee and waking to early she talked about death disease. Her Dutch was quite good but she couldn't measure the language.. It made her look weird and she wasn't and I sometimes am so afraid to make the same impression.

But now Amy made me feel like maybe I have found my voice in English so I'll continue to chase my crafting dreams and share the stories her..

On other news we went to see the 'consultatiebureau" nurse. This is the practice that does all normal healthchecks on Dutch children until the age of 4. I love our doctor and nurse and we needed to hear them say that we had to let the girl cry to break the pattern of lousy nights. Of course she did tell us so now we have difficult nights and the promise of sleep for the future.

Now I realised this made me uneasy. For the last 4 years I've been woken at night. I still function and did a whole lot of growing and learning. I also started to dream a few little dreams for myself and a lot of them got tagged with the tag. If I sleep again then..

So Now my performing-anxiety gets the better of me.. If I sleep there is no excuse to not catch my dreams and live them.. No excuse other then I couldn't.....

So tell me? How screwed up do you think I am?

7 opmerkingen:

weirdbunny zei

Don't be sad I love your blog and your english is just perfect. Life with children isn't always the wonderful experience we thought it would be. There are many drawbacks like lack of sleep. Sometimes we do need to break that lack of sleep pattern. We have all been there. It's a bit like potty training, what a stress, but they all get there eventually. After all I don't see may 7 year olds running around in nappies do you!!!! Relax try to sit back a bit and enjoy.

chest of drawers zei

I love your blog! Screwed up is definately not the right word for you! If you want to know what screwed up is visit our local pub on a Saturday afternoon.
These feelings come to all bloggers at one point. You are fine, your daughter will be fine, you can "do" when you feel like doing and "stop" when you feel like taking a break. You have described your feelings so well and it is sometimes frightening when our excuses are gone.

Amy zei

I am happy to have provided you with a little encouragement. Really, your English is fantastic and of course, the thoughts behind it are really the important thing. You say you think in the English to be able to write well, but I really think that your other language does affect your words and thoughts too. That is why you are able to express things in ways I haven't thought of... and that is why I love to read blogs (or books for that matter) by bilingual people. Closest I will come to being bilingual I think.

RE: Sleeping. My opinion is that it should be a family decision on how to handle night wakings. We chose not to force the issue and I'm not sorry. She sleeps through the night most nights now anyway. Sometimes it is hard to remember that it will pass....

manda zei

I love your blog and am constantly amazed by how well you write in English - it is perfect and you do not come across as wierd at all!

autum zei

I think you do a wonderful job of expressing yourself. In America most children don't learn other languages the way they do in other countries. So I am very impressed with anyone who communicates in a language other than their own.
As far as your creative abilities go, I have a beautiful work of art hanging on my wall created by the lovely and talented Mijk and it makes me smile and reminds me that life is ever growing everytime I look at it.

jojo* zei

You have absolutely no reason to feel inadequate. You make great stuff, and I think even more important is the person behind the things that are made. I think the need to identify is a big reason I come to visit your blog...aside from crafting, you seem like a lot like me!

Susan zei

When I first moved here I went through a similar phase -- even though my parents are Dutch and I had an "ear" for the language I had to learn to read and write it and I was miserable. I felt like I had lost my voice -- I'm pretty shy and writing was a primary form of communication, as well as a creative outlet.

I think you do wonderfully in English and understand why you blog in that language -- but I have to admit, I'm really curious what your Dutch voice is like :-)

And the cry-to-sleep method: it's tough. Worked with Anna, didn't work with Mirthe. How old is your little one? Have you eliminated physical possibilities? (Mirthe had a kink in her neck as a result of the c-section and screamed for six months straight, every time I laid her down for her nap -- after one visit to the chiropractor she slept through the night. It took her quite a while to get over the trauma associated with her crib, and only started napping regularly and going to bed at a decent time around 18 months.)